"Britain might not make steel anymore, or cars, or pop music worth listening to, but, boy, are we world-beaters when it comes to tyranny. And now classical music, which was once taught to young people as a way of elevating their minds and tingling their souls, is being mined for its potential as a deterrent against bad behaviour."
"It’s not that midichlorians were an explanation for something which should have been mysterious — it’s more that they were a dumb, ridiculous technobabble concoction. And they’re not an explanation you can build on, which is even worse. You can build a whole architecture on top of "an energy field that connects all living beings," and the original trilogy did, quite well. But you can’t build on top of "microscopic critters in the blood.""
The Church of the SubGenius Hour of Slack #1245 - Valentine’s Day Bug Porn at Winterstar
This is a rather strange episode, with much material from a really unusual devival. The SubGenius show at the Winterstar Symposium happened to fall on Valentine’s Day this year, and the special SubGenius guest was the inventive torch singer Phat ManDee — and she was accompanied by her husband, Tommy Amoeba. This made for an especially ROMANTIC devival, but the lovey-dovey stuff is considerably tempered by segments about microorganisms (Stang’s latest shordurperhobby). So we have an odd mixture of love and science. Songs by Jonathan Coulton, The Psycho Skeletons, and Witch Disco fit in perfectly. Collages by THE LARGE, Sweetness McGee and the great LeMur pepper the mix. There’s even some Puzzling Evidence! Also a new sermon about The Conspiracy by Stang, much of it exploiting the latest wit and wisdom of Dr. Onan Canobite.
The French novelist Marcel Proust believed people must know and understand themselves before they can know or understand others. He developed a list of subjective questions that he felt would help reveal to people their true selves and the inner personalities of those around them. (Via Jonathan Carroll.)
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE?
WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FICTIONAL HERO?
WHO ARE YOUR REAL-LIFE HEROES?
WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST ADMIRE IN A MAN?
WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST ADMIRE IN A WOMAN?
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR?
WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT STATE OF MIND?
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OCCUPATION? (WAY OF SPENDING TIME)
WHAT HISTORICAL FIGURE DO YOU MOST IDENTIFY WITH?
WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST ADMIRE?
WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU HAPPIEST?
WHAT IS YOUR MOST OBVIOUS CHARACTERISTIC?
WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE (HATE) IN YOURSELF?
WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN OTHERS?
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE JOURNEY?
WHAT DO YOU MOST DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE?
WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST OVER-RATED VIRTUE?
ON WHAT OCCASION DO YOU LIE?
WHICH WORDS OR PHRASES DO YOU MOST OVER-USE?
WHAT IS IT YOU MOST DISLIKE?
WHAT DO YOU VALUE MOST IN YOUR FRIENDS?
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE?
IF YOU WERE TO DIE AND COME BACK AS A PERSON OR AN ANIMAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE?
IF YOU COULD CHOOSE AN OBJECT TO COME BACK AS, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE? WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO (WORDS YOU LIVE BY OR THAT MEAN A LOT TO YOU)?
"…the remarkable story of blind artist John Bramblitt who creates the most strikingly vivid images but didn’t start painting until he lost his sight. To judge colour Bramblitt feels the small differences in the thickness and texture of the paint, and the piece discusses how such fine touch distinction become more possible after sight loss owing to what is known as cross-modal plasticity…"
"On March 6th, if you are in the Akihabara district of Tokyo and you look up, you’ll see hundreds of pairs of girls’ panties. No, you haven’t shrunken into a tiny, homoncular, up-skirt pervert. Instead, you will be “enjoying” the launch of a thousand ornithopters fashioned from underwear."
"The Head Lice Repelling Unit (HELRU) is a small device using the latest technology to repel head lice from infesting children and adults. It is in the form of a badge of the Unicorn and is pinned to the clothing of the individual."
How does it work, you might ask?
"Without a comprehensive understanding of technology (e.g., that used in space travel) it is not really possible to provide a very satisfactory answer."
"An online "directory of the differently-saned" is celebrating its fifth anniversary on February 25th, 2010. In operation since 2005, the High Weirdness Project is engaged in a wiki-based project (similar to Wikipedia) to categorize strange, fringe, bizarre, and Slackful sources of information.”
"A transsexual cabaret performer named Rose Wood engaged in projectile vomiting on stage and hit Sarandon with it. Standing nearby were Scarlett Johansson and Liev Schreiber. According to Wood it was not intended as an affront to the actress and she didn’t take it that way."
I’d heard Sarandon was pretty liberal, but this is just fucking daft.
"Internet phenomenon The Guild comes to comics, courtesy of series creator, writer, and star Felicia Day (Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog)! Chronicling the hilarious on- and offline lives of a group of Internet role-playing gamers, the Knights of Good, The Guild has become a cult hit and is the winner of numerous awards from SXSW, YouTube, Yahoo, and the Streamys."
"I am a 22 year old college drop-out. I live in the asshole of the united states, Wisconsin. I have been drawing this shit since I was nine but never felt I was good enough to make a submission. I feel that it’s either now or never. Some really wierd shit is going on around these here parts of the northwoods hey…"
"Nutritionists have long warned of the perils of hot dogs: fat, sodium and preservatives to name a few. Now, the American Academy of Pediatrics wants foods like hot dogs to come with a warning label — not because of their nutritional risks but because they pose a choking hazard to babies and children."
Kids - never mind what your momma does, I think you’re supposed to chew them first.
"Science fiction movies should be allowed only one major transgression of the laws of physics, according to a US professor who has won backing from a number of his peers after creating a set of guidelines for Hollywood."
"Brothel owners in the Lugano area say electric shock treatment to restart customer’s hearts is needed because so many elderly customers are using their services. The most recent victim was a pensioner, thought to be having fun with the help of anti-impotence medication."
"Until now, it was unclear whether there are outwardly visible physiological responses associated with the decision-making process. But a new study now shows that dilation of the pupils can predict when a decision has been made before an individual voluntarily reports making the decision."
Church of the SubGenius Hour of Slack #1244 - Rerun of #509, “PAIN” (1995)
We’re busy, so we’re in reruns. This particular episode, #509 from late 1995, was assembled during a relatively rough week of a rough month of a rough year for your host and prayer partner, Rev. Ivan Stang. It is an unusually PAINFUL Hour of Slack. Imagine that. Nonetheless, cruel and heartless listeners who are not Rev. Stang may find it funny. Some great music helps the poison go down easier. The last half of the episode is collage and ranting by Rev. Susie the Floozy, and a classic sermon by Papa Joe Mama. Both Susie and Papa Joe are experts in REAL pain.
This movie was a complete waste and I feel that it offends ALL Twilight Fans around the world, that including myself. For one, it was a COMPLETE remakingof the Wolf Pack from the Twilight Saga: New Moon. It gives the werewolves a bad name and makes them look like some deformed mutation of a rabid dog…”
Oh, you stupid fucking children. Is there a reward for finding a Twilight fan who isn’t a pathetic, moping, self-absorbed, posing, whining, ignorant, bloody child?