THE PREPOSTEROUS BOLLOX OF THE SITUATION
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Carey Mulligan: Carey, Carey, Quite Contrary - W by Michael Thompson, January 2012
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Mila Kunis by Ruven Afanador
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He said Star Trek is too “philosophical”? Screw that noise.
I don’t...
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Zoe Saldana
Q 18: The next time someone says the earth is billions (or millions) of years old, what can you say?
A: Were you there?
And the next time someone says the earth was created in six days by God… what can you say?
(via emmra)
“Late breaking news on the real reason why Pope Benedict XVI quit the job as Pope is centered around the fact that he was going to be charged for crimes against humanity by shielding pedophile priests in the RC church.
“A statement given to Reuters reveals that the Church has decided to grant Joseph Ratzinger immunity against any and all charges involving his protection of known sex offenders…”
That awkward moment when Conspiracy Keanu asks the right question.
- Live on WREK Atlanta 2012-12-08
Rev. Susie the Floozie’s show on WREK-Atlanta, “Bob’s” Slack Time Funhouse, is almost always carefully prepared with exacting machine-gun editing. This episode is an exception. She allowed the visiting Princess Wei ‘R.’ Doe and Rev. Ivan Stang to join her for two hours of live radio, of which this is Part One. Later in the show they were joined by Rev. Vaylor Trucks of Bonobos Convergence. Two truly bulldada tracks from the Floozeum LP Collection are played: “Martyrs” from the incredible album “Worlds of Youth,” and “Entropy” by Bruce Haack, one of the weirdest hipster albums for children ever conceived. Subjects covered in the live conversations: Canned Dave; Stang Ranch in South Hell; Don’t Pray to “Bob”; monsters as religion; SubGenius shows history; the tech hall at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; the 9 Voyages of Sinbad; Video Game Addiction (on Stang’s part); presenting a SubG Membership to Jonathan Coulton; the Hell of Weekly SubGenius Show Production; SubGenius Horror Hosts; Epcot Center; Mermaid Biology; Human Gullibility and Ignorance; Deer Crossings.
ARISE! The SubGenius.
Praise “Bob”!
“Bob” will save the SubGenius from the Mayan apocalypse.
The rest of you Pinks are fucked!
“After a lot of time exploring this issue, seeking God’s wisdom on it and discussing it together as a committee, we made a decision about women teaching in a CU setting…”
“In September 2011, the BHA launched the ‘Teach evolution, not creationism’ campaign, supported by individuals such as Sir Paul Nurse, Sir David Attenborough and Prof Michael Reiss, and organisations such as the British Science Association and the Association for Science Education. The campaign called for new rules to prevent schools teaching creationism and intelligent design as scientifically valid, and for every school to be required to teach evolution, including Free Schools and primary schools…”
- A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?
- Yes. I think you'd have to be worryingly sane to the the point of insanity to think otherwise. We all wish to kill. It's a constant wonder we don't kill each other more often.
- B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?
- My first thought is that Tumblr still hasn't fixed the Message count widget on the dashboard, as mine has been stuck at one for months.
- C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?
- I have no religious views other than a form of indifferent pity to those who delude themselves that there's a magic man living in the sky making their lives better than mine.
- D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?
- Well, I'd say that if you knew all that the universe had to offer, you'd naturally lose all of your emotions anyway. That would be an elevated state of being and emotions are at odds with that. Like Dr Manhattan. But with pants.
- E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?
- Sleeping. I barely sleep as it is, so I'd happily trade that against a bit of extra health.
- F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?
- My first thought would be to be Summer Glau and take that for a spin like nobody's business. But if this is a lifetime deal I could do a lot of good to the world in the form of Johnny Depp or George Clooney.
- G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?
- Freeze. Who the hell would choose to burn to death? I'm assuming it's a literal burning and not the usual death by smoke inhalation first, which is what usually happens? Fuck that.
- H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?
- There is no hell. Also, no.
- I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?
- Something I had. Obviously.
- J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?
- No. What would be the point of eternal youth then?
- K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?
- Who ever watches a full length porno? Am I right?
- L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
- The Doors.
- M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?
- I'd manipulate energy because that would allow me the power to manipulate matter. Physics, folks.
- N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?
- I went through a phase of dreaming that I was living back home with my parents. Then the dreams changed, so that my parents were living with me, but my house was their house and they were in charge and I was always doing chores and getting into trouble for things other people had done.
- O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?
- This, I'll grant you, is a good question. I've given this a lot of thought, because I'm married. You know, I think I'm going to be ruthlessly logical and go with spending the rest of my life with second best, on the grounds that my second best would be plenty good enough.
- P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?
- Daft nonspecific question. Sequels, obviously, can be good (especially, as happens more often these days, they're planned as a series of films from the outset). I think that Hollywood's rampaging through its catalogue of classics for the remake treatment shows a lack of imagination and enterprise that shouldn't come as a surprise and disappointment, but does. Having said that, some remakes (Dawn of the Dead comes to mind) are perfectly good films (though, at least in Dawn of the Dead's case, possibly more by virtue of not being remakes in anything but name).
- Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?
- I'm already emotionally dissatisfied, so give me the money.
- R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?
- Yes. And I think we already know who.
- S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?
- I'd like to read minds, because I'd like to know what people really think.
- T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?
- Klingon. I'd make everyone learn fucking Klingon.
- U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?
- No. Not for any moral platitude, but because I went to school in the '70s and '80s when everyone was a minger.
- V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?
- If we didn't have God to argue about, I'm sure we'd find something else. I know I would.
- W. The men's rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?
- You're going to have to give me a couple of minutes while I go and Google if this is an actual thing, because that sounds laughable... Okay, I'm back. Googled that, and the first thing on the first page was, "Media Bias is a constant presence in our lives. Every facet of Journalism targets against men," so I'm going to go with my gut and say laughable.
- X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?
- I don't think I would, because I'm sure that not immediately obvious drawbacks would come along to bite me on the arse.
- Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don't lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?
- No.
- Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa.
- Look, if you can find me an atheist who can understand the belief in a higher power, and I'll show you someone who isn't an atheist. Atheism is in the dictionary - look it up. I can understand people who believe in God, because I understand that people are small and scared and we evolved as a developing species afraid of the dark and the thunder, and I understand that the Church of organised religion manipulates superstition and herd instinct to give themselves all the wealth and power, but I don't believe that people who aren't indoctrinated by family, friends and the Church would ever consider that their daily lives were governed by an old man in the clouds who punishes and rewards them on an entirely arbitrary basis and would consign them to an eternity of fiery hell for something as slight as considering that your neighbour's donkey is something they might like. And even if there were a God, would you devote your life to a being who gave you Ten Commandments to adhere to, and the first four were concerned with worshipping Him (You shall have no other Gods but me; You shall not make for yourself any idol, nor bow down to it or worship it; You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God; You shall remember and keep the Sabbath day holy) before we get to the shit about not murdering and stealing from each other?
Jupiter tap-dancing Christ, where do I even start?
“Ivan Stang founded the Church of the SubGenius with Dr. Philo Drummond (who is now a DJ on the popular Berkeley radio show Puzzling Evidence) in 1980 with a satyrical pamphlet titled “SubGenius Pamphlet #1.” What’s formed in the 30 years following is an entire parody religion that, while no less real than any other religion, is thankfully only taken seriously to a dangerous level by a small chunk of people. Most followers of the Church of the SubGenius are such because of the humorous and lighthearted nature of the way it satirizes fanatic-based religion, conspiracy theories, and aliens.”
New World Manifesto, Episode 6: Reverend Ivan Stang & the Church of the SubGenius (by NewWorldManifesto)
Join the Church of the SubGenius. Eternal salvation or TRIPLE your money back!
